That's right folks
I still haven't gotten any motivation to do anything productive.
To be honest I feel kinda tired myself because there are so many things I want to do but they seem so out of hand right now...
Also I woke up to understand that I'm tired of having no recognition.
I hate when people think that I am simple minded and that I live in paradise.
Like when I say that maybe people should care more about modelers and people answer me that I have no reason to complain...
Oh right, sorry, perhaps I just never really made a big thing about my models being illegally distributed or edited...
Also if my art is all so good I wonder why I never got many views, comments or faves and why when I tried to add my art to groups I ended up seeing either no change or my images being declined and later on traced images, stolen or even ones with the illegal use of bases being accepted.
It bothers me that people always say things like "You don't have to worry about those things! You're smart, you always have good grades" it makes me feel like I am some sort of cheap thing
And when I do have those good grades someone's else are always better and I should be more like someone else.
It that why I keep doing mistakes?
Is that why I try to picture myself so strong when I don't even have the guts to smile and speak my mind?
I just wanted to keep that one promise and let myself be honest to the simple question "what do you think?"
I wanted those peoples that made me learn about how precious life is to know how much what they made means for me.
I feel lost when I see that the persons who taught me that I should fight for my dreams gave up on theirs so easily.
I wish you would know how much I actually care for you.
But I don't mind that you keep thinking that I am childish and selfish because I know that I am not.
I am neither of those, you are just blind.
I’ve tried to tell people what I felt by writing but no one ever read it.
When I tried to paint how I felt no one ever saw it.
And when I tried to speak no one would ever hear.
And when I wanted you, you were never there.
I realized I am that broken umbrella I told you about years go… Like death I have no remedy.
All I wanted was just to never be forgotten.